do no harm:


idit dobb-weinstein: "teaching is action and thinking at once. What I try to guard against most when I teach is not speaking as if my answer were conclusive, so as to avoid (to the extent possible) any kind of dogmatic appropriation. It is understandable why students might wish to imitate their teachers, but there are different modes of imitation. I try very hard to avoid the mimetic appropriation that is immediate, passive, and occludes thinking. One other reason is that if I made clear what my views were, and my views appeared as if they were final, it would preclude the possibility of first, students challenging me and second, learning from my students. The relation between the student and teacher is, to me, a dynamic relationship . . . Teaching and learning is a movement that occurs between. In other words, we are at once both agent and patient, both teacher and learner. If we are not very careful, we can do a great deal of harm. And that, too, I have learned from my teachers, Maimonides especially.

I believe my task is to provoke students to think and to engage them in genuine dialogue and questioning. To paraphrase a rabbinic saying, 'I have learned from my teachers, and I have learned from my peers, but I have learned most from my students.' And that is a continuous process of learning."

Sunday 18 April 2010

dan diamond thinks i should work this into a stage play, and pitch it to the theater department and make it kind of theater of the absurd.

he thinks that the professors think they are so postmodern that they can repeat the culture back to itself and act like it is freedom.

i told him what bothers me most is how stuck in the past all these comments are.  that if anyone actually had a good relationship with women or with bodies in general, there would be no need to sensationalize stuff along the judeochristian repression/taboo fault line.  it is really a childish dichotomy.

in a future i imagine, all bodies could be respected and be working together on beautiful things like a better environment, peace, diplomacy, and an end to all racism and war and war rape, and cruelty of every kind.
we would realize that our moments of intellection together in the same room, are so valuable, that so many bigger things are at stake.

we could really put our heads together.

being the loudest voice in the room is really childish.
shouting at women and trying to diminish their self-esteem by reducing them to mere body parts is self-sabotage.

any of the things we pretend to care about would do better to have a complete coalition of all voices, including women, transgendered and people of all backgrounds.

i am reminded of the black panther's command: renounce your white skin privilege.
and as the lawyers guild was speaking recently of misogyny within the black panthers, and the need to hold them accountable, so all groups of people must incorporate self critique.

if the white hetero privilege is not renounced, the benefits conferred will give poison to the message.

the failure to disavow the power benefit of being raised white and male and hetero in this society, puts one on the side of the aggressors.

as my teacher shouted "tits and ass" over me, i felt pity, that someone with so many good ideas would think he could afford to alienate women, and youth, and equality minded people.

and that he equates this with freedom.

when i really want to talk about CEDAW, war rape, LAPD rape kit backlog, human trafficking, the linguistics of marginalization, pink collar ghettos, sexism in academia, sexism in religion, homophobia, sexism in marriage.

i told a couple friends about teacher's idea that transgendered people validate real men's real identity, and show real women how to be real women, a gross abstraction uttered during our Paris is Burning discussion.

i attempted to clear this up, and was told, "we don't want to wig anybody out here," which was a way of trying to discredit what i had to say about Judith Butler's Gender Trouble, and gender spectrums.

the prevailing norm that there is such a a thing as a real man, and the utiliritarian look at transgenderism as some kind of hetero-reifyer, is crass to me.

and that margaret thatcher is a man, and any woman of power and confidence will be attacked for her physique and femininity, in the class room, is so offensive to me.

i miss my days of short hair and boy clothes.
would teacher say the same thing about me?

mary eng is a man.
what does that mean?
am i. bc i have no fear to call him out for sexism?
that probably makes me a . . .

pam cash said these comments would get you fired at UCSD.

seeking solace from old teachers and fellow students:

Re: the t&a a video response
From:
mary eng 
View Contact
To:"Zeman, Stewart Scott" 
well thanks.
i was used to such a higher quality before elsewhere (all the schools)
and with my family

so it is such a step backward.

can you imagine hearing slut whore and tits and ass in class.
if i were the profs i'd be ashamed to show face.

similarly all my podcast lectures are epithet-free.

LA is a funny place, a retrogressive misogynnist vibe prevails.  its very republican in a sense . . .

my father was far more eloquent and i never had to be around that kind of talk except maybe in . . .
and a little in bars but i try to avoid them.

thanks for understanding.
none of them really know what its like to be abused on grounds of gender or orientation, i wonder. or violent crime i wonder?
with that convenient white hetero male cloak of authority, it is so odd for them to say, my request for comfort and respect is unimportant.

you would never do this, franke, idit, david wood, sarah beardsworth.  even teloh had more class.  it is a little boo-hoo sad to me, but fighting it is just the least i can do on the way to a better place.  not sticking around hopeless situation too long.

mark holladay said, well you are the one who wanted to go back to school.
i told him it was more like eldercare with all these varying levels of out of touchness.

hope yr doing great and that you can get a good laugh over what clowns these profs are.

i guess its a fun little exercise for my wits bc i dont believe in rights, language, objectivity etc.

so its my cleverness against theirs and finding ways to power 
as verbal abuse is its own big power display

hope yr great thnx for yr thoughts




From: "Zeman, Stewart Scott" <scott.zeman@Vanderbilt.Edu>
To: mary eng
Sent: Sun, April 18, 2010 8:43:25 AM
Subject: RE: the t&a video response
Hi Mary,
I don't know what to say exactly, but I do wish you well.  Not having been there or, after reading the blog, having not seen much evidence either way, it would be a mistake for me to judge one way or the other that your profs have or have not spoken or acted disrespectfully (or more or less).  Nor am I an expert in such things.  In any case, their intent, as well as the context within which "crude" language was used, is obviously very important, and that context and intent I have almost no access to.  And when legal accusations turn up, everyone gets understandably defensive and, often, less reasonable and flexible and friendly. But obviously you've been stung by something, and I'm sorry for that.  Being stung by words is no fun whatsoever.  So I am simply sending you my best wishes.   
I hope you can build bridges with your efforts.  And amidst such stresses, I hope you can find time to exercise, eat well, and relax with friends. 
Best,
Scott 
From: mary eng [maryeng1@yahoo.com]
Sent: Sunday, April 18, 2010 7:21 AM
To: Zeman, Stewart Scott; igreka@seattleu.edu
Subject: Fw: the t&a video response
can you imagine a grown man-teacher shouting "tits and ass" at the top of his lungs in class at me when i told him he should speak more respectfully?

please if you have a moment could you offer suggestions.
and that he tries to squelch me with "you have no case" etc.

oh and all the other professors have been abysmal too!
switching schools this summer yay!

please support
nobody offers solace

can you imagine he is writing me a letter about the word "tit" isn't that kind of gross/creepy/out-of-touch

hope you guys are awesome, and not shouting such things at your students!
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