thanks to denim day 2010

http://www.denimdayinla.org/ yesterday 4-21-10
denim day is the perfect day to file harassment reports with your school or with the labor commissioner for your creepy harassing boss.

a female cop told me there is harassment on the force but that's why you have to make reports.

so when you tell people you were raped people often twist it against you, like you are inferior or damaged.
they complain about the extra effort.

i used to know this guy christian gunther from seattle who screamed slut and whore at women and claimed that rape gave women too many problems.
i wondered why he thought shouting at them would help.

he was one of those eco-er than thou liberal progressive misogynists, east coast style.
so no matter how smart you were, he'd try to shred you to ribbons with a bunch of epithets.
all his friends thought he was . . .

so anyway, in light of the why i do not want to be talked to like this is a crackhouse in hell and not a federally funded institution of higher learning theme . . .

here's my rape story:
when i was brutally raped and strangled in 2002, the rapist called me whore slut psychobitch and screamed at me the whole time.

i have never been treated so badly.

i was strangled to the point of losing consciousness and seeing stars.  he said stop screaming or i'll kill you.

i was covered in bruises.

i though i was going to be killed, dismembered, and gang raped. 

can you think of ways to help me through my anxiety?

maybe by not being so rude and pompous in class.

maybe by listening to women more.

and if they tell you, you are making them uncomfortable, really listen.

i don't like being told i have no case, when i tell you i feel uncomfortable.

that is very negative, like saying my feelings don't matter.

why would you want to hurt people?

when i hear language from this culture of cruelty to women, i feel bad again.

and silencing us, hurts too.

the anxiety is so powerful.  could you respect what effort it took to get here, and put these bad memories to rest, so we can move on with our lives.

why do you want to keep us down with unequal words and cruelty to women?

are you afraid of us?

did someone hurt you too?

so open letter to LACC professors, please respect women more.

the young men shouldn't learn how to be homophobic and misogynist from you.

what a betrayal!

please stop calling us sluts, cheesecake, tits and ass.

maybe you are really nice guys, but it really hurts a lot.

you can't unring a bell.  i know who you are.  i know what you said.

i hope you will never say it again.  but i can't forget the disrespect you have shown us.

one of my heroes stood up to his school for protecting abusers at his school.

it happens to men too.

i hope my brother will fight for women.

i told him the men of the future will stand up for women first . . .

we all suffer when we wallow in negativity . . . everyone.

read about human rights lawyer karen parker's crusade against war rape

on

http://rapeisneverokay.blogspot.com/

so plus being raped twice, i was beaten savagely once by an upper crust guy max schuster who screamed epithets the whole time.
his first line of attack was to destroy my glasses and then attack me.
when he was stomping on my skull with his foot, i realized oh my gosh he is really stomping on my head!!!

i ran screaming to neighbors
and did my best to get him locked up at night court. . .

re: missing anthropology to go hang out with my awesomely respectful dentist

i heard teacher called me out as the person who could have benefitted most from his gendered language speech exercise.

as though i had not read anything regarding this phenomenon.
or taken semesters of philosophy and feminist philosophy
or read piles of books on the subject.

i felt that being absent would allow him to diffuse his anger in safety, far from my observation.
in speaking to scott clapson today, i realize nothing.
scott wants me to go to school early to check in.

re: the dentist:  i would rather listen to drills drilling on my face than come to class today.

scott will write a letter of defense for teach first.  i told it him think its awesome, that i wanted to spark a discussion.

all the things i said in my email already, scott thinks i should say in person.

but scott doesn't understand what its like to be a woman and deal with all this hate all our whole lives.

i turned in my paperwork to christie passman's office today.
despite knowing she will do little, a little is better than nothing.

i can't imagine being a grown man called into a grown woman's office for shouting "tits and ass" at another grown woman.

it sounds surreal.

i would never put myself in that position.
i duplicated my files and sent them to sacramento.
they will have to write me back, and tell me why they think women should shut up and take it, just like last time, when i complained about lewis, lanzer, and vargas.

so roll call.
meeting with earic peters soon.

jay cortez ASO VP candidate is excited about videostreaming for disability rights.  he knows about all the ivy league schools broadcasting class.
hooray an ally.

sheila and gene fernandez helped me file a time request to speak at the next ASO meeting about equality and harassment.

scott clapson told me rodriguez in sociology uses the word spik.
i don't know what it means.
but i think its offensive.

andrea bari told me lewis was screaming at a student outside the cafe, the adult student being stephen stapleton who was requesting a list pertaining to the veteran's student group.
andrea was shocked to see lewis in the face of a student raising his voice.

the ASO has turned lynch mob against sheila.
it is really creepy how the men around here can't stand it when women talk or have ideas.  they throw major temper tantrums.

the last time i went to the legal association it was a big time waste complete with polystyrene cups and a disgusting meaty pizza party and a muti-level marketing speaker, who while being a nice person, had no legal info per se, other than suggesting we buy a monthly prepaid legal service.  a good idea.

so when the clubs become so thick with their own bureaucracy i wonder why it is they don't listen to some good ideas.
but they are just kids too!!!!

all the whole world is made of people looking for meaning.
when i told scott i cried all weekend and am missing classes and tests bc my nerves are frayed by the condescending tone of some of these profs . . .
well he started to understand . . .

i heard lanzer has had students quit his class bc he keeps asking them out.
two different names came up.
i actually have nothing against teachers dating adult students.
but if its not mutual, and class is in session, its pretty creepy to make people feel so uncomfortable.

awesomely its denim day.
rape.
i even told the tits and ass prof about how hard it is to deal with rape.
he probably didnt even read my letter, or process the info.
i made a little denim day video i will burn to DVD.
i think i should make a bunch.
so happy i didn't miss the deadline.

i guess the sad thing about class, is that the whole political imapct of CEDAW and LAPD rape kit DNA evidence human rights failure, would make such a better class than tits and tits and tits and ass.

but i'll try to fit that in my presentation.

i'm dreading going to class.
should i wear earplugs and a blindfold?
isn't that how they trick an animal led to slaughter?

and that my grants and loans make me a bit of a financial prisoner to this fake school swindle.
i know LACC is in a sense a bit of a dead end job.
i loved my property law test and real estate law test.

plus i filed my labor law reports to both sacramento and LA offices of DLSE.
that's a separate crusade, the sexual harassment at work.

and then christy passman will walk in on my excellent memo under her door tomorrow.
i think i should make copies of my complaints and scan them or pass them around.
i actually want to carry the blank complaint forms with me, so every time people tell me about their harassment, i can hook them up with the do-nothing bureaucracy so they can feel really depressed.

i remember the hope i felt when i thought that somebody would say, "i am so sorry.  this will never happen again.  we will do everything in our power to protect your civil rights and  punish the offenders."

how depressing to realize equality is a big joke at LACC.
and guess who's getting the last laugh.
the hetero white man.
on a campus this diverse.

the amazing guy at the cafe says i should take it to the LA TIMES.
what a great idea.

spent the time talking to administration.
joyce moore, student dean, sent me to the department chair, wendell eckford, who was extremely kind and gracious.

he understood the subtle spiritual nuance of what is going on here.

he really gave me good advice about speaking with people in person, keeping the emails concise, and for making appointments.

and then christie passman wowed me with her charming diplomacy and career advice, hoping to persuade me not to file formal complaints, to save the paperwork, and time drain.

nice try.

eckford will try to clean up his department, and because i am filing a formal complaint, christie will have to have a little talk with the "tits and ass" professor as well.

i know she'll go easy on him, so he needn't worry.
suddenly, my anxiety about class has dissolved.

i really needed the experience of talking to all these wise people today.
christie gave me advice about law school, and wendell encourages me to write, or be a public speaker for political causes.
it was really flattering.

he told me what a rough time his friend had as one of the only four women in the UCLA anthropology department, where the prevailing vibe was "old boys club."  wendell also confirmed that he has heard that the law professors are barbarians.

so it gets around.

he told me of the term "t&a" used to disparage a woman's career success.

christie passman says she has heard complaints around campus about the quality in the law department.
she didn't seem to care about women being called "cheesecake" or having their weight gain mocked in property law.
that is getting a formal complaint as well.
i love duffy, and he's a great teacher, but want to school him on why it is not still 1966.

it was such a rainy afternoon.

the only trouble is, i have to reschedule my real estate law test, and go to the dentist tomorrow again.
this stuff is important, more important than grades.

all this effort takes time.
it felt worth it today.
it felt very educational . . . .

writing gene fernandez who is running for ASO president asking him to put equality and an end to harassment on campus at the top of his campaign platform!


so happy to have his support!!!!


today's correspondence:

dear gene, there were witnesses

forty people heard him shout "tits and ass"

my classmates will verify

bartelt in anthropology also talks about the asshole hypothesis, getting laid, and why margaret thatcher is a man

and then thirty people heard lanzer (paralegal dept) say

a woman could make more money as a slut than paralegal

other people were there

he also spoke of dumb woman, and horrible woman

lewis in the legal dept wasted the entire semester talking about hookers and prostitutes

and treated my freind talissa extra insulting.   she is a woman of color.

both the head of the legal department and christie passman are making the lame excuse,

oh they are just trying to be funny.

i dont think its funny.

thank you for taking me seriously.

i really appreciate your support.

and because it seems like you really care, i will help you in any way i can!!!

i have my blog and my videostream.

what i think is next is that i need to either flyer the campus and or host a public forum discussion group, or present at ASO more in depth, at least ten minutes or so.

the ACLU club leader vasquez says mexicans were insulted in a class.

islamophobic staff members have insulted women under the veil.

the more people we can get to come forward the better.

i started a formal complaint process last year.

it gives a slap on the wrist to the professor.

i think we as students should rise up and say this is not enough.

our lives and futures and finances are on the line.

the school is getting sued.

we deserve better.

thank you for caring

i can't wait to meet and discuss this.

i have a renewed faith that we can actually do something.

a coalition of hardworking passionate people who want to make a better future for young people!!!!

does ASO meet tomorrow?

see you soon call me any time

mary eng

---

From: gene fernandez
To: mary eng
Sent: Tue, April 20, 2010 3:58:17 PM
Subject: Re: The LACC book rental program is underway...
What is this professor doing that is absurd towards women? Find out if
anyone else in your class feels the same way and we can build a case
towards your cause. Without empirical evidence or a witness it will be
very hard for you to complain about this professor.

On Tue, Apr 20, 2010 at 3:01 PM, mary eng <maryeng1@yahoo.com> wrote:
> http://thereallacc.blogspot.com/
> sorry gene
> what about you run on a platform of no more harassment of women and
> minorities
> tell me why not
> ________________________________
> From: gene fernandez <janvin1988@gmail.com>
> To: mary eng <maryeng1@yahoo.com>
> Sent: Tue, April 20, 2010 1:57:48 PM
> Subject: Re: The LACC book rental program is underway...
>
> Watch what?
>
> On Sat, Apr 17, 2010 at 11:23 AM, mary eng <maryeng1@yahoo.com> wrote:
>> watch this
>> and tell me what you think
>> about women getting harassed by professors
>> please give me a response.
>> i need yr help.

time to go talk to the student dean and ombudsman.  the dean winced last time we talked when i told her about the topless dancing assignment in lewis's class.

maybe she will have advice.

i really regret that i failed to go to bryn mawr.

listening to amazing novelist and lawyer hilary mantel.

she was talking about the sexism at london school of economics the year she attended.  and then now about thomas more.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hilary_Mantel

wrote giovanna imbesi to see if she cares about women being treated well on campus.

thrilled to get my LSAT's fee waived on grounds of poverty.

hope i get into the enviro policy class at PSU.

miss london.

dan diamond thinks i should work this into a stage play, and pitch it to the theater department and make it kind of theater of the absurd.

he thinks that the professors think they are so postmodern that they can repeat the culture back to itself and act like it is freedom.

i told him what bothers me most is how stuck in the past all these comments are.  that if anyone actually had a good relationship with women or with bodies in general, there would be no need to sensationalize stuff along the judeochristian repression/taboo fault line.  it is really a childish dichotomy.

in a future i imagine, all bodies could be respected and be working together on beautiful things like a better environment, peace, diplomacy, and an end to all racism and war and war rape, and cruelty of every kind.
we would realize that our moments of intellection together in the same room, are so valuable, that so many bigger things are at stake.

we could really put our heads together.

being the loudest voice in the room is really childish.
shouting at women and trying to diminish their self-esteem by reducing them to mere body parts is self-sabotage.

any of the things we pretend to care about would do better to have a complete coalition of all voices, including women, transgendered and people of all backgrounds.

i am reminded of the black panther's command: renounce your white skin privilege.
and as the lawyers guild was speaking recently of misogyny within the black panthers, and the need to hold them accountable, so all groups of people must incorporate self critique.

if the white hetero privilege is not renounced, the benefits conferred will give poison to the message.

the failure to disavow the power benefit of being raised white and male and hetero in this society, puts one on the side of the aggressors.

as my teacher shouted "tits and ass" over me, i felt pity, that someone with so many good ideas would think he could afford to alienate women, and youth, and equality minded people.

and that he equates this with freedom.

when i really want to talk about CEDAW, war rape, LAPD rape kit backlog, human trafficking, the linguistics of marginalization, pink collar ghettos, sexism in academia, sexism in religion, homophobia, sexism in marriage.

i told a couple friends about teacher's idea that transgendered people validate real men's real identity, and show real women how to be real women, a gross abstraction uttered during our Paris is Burning discussion.

i attempted to clear this up, and was told, "we don't want to wig anybody out here," which was a way of trying to discredit what i had to say about Judith Butler's Gender Trouble, and gender spectrums.

the prevailing norm that there is such a a thing as a real man, and the utiliritarian look at transgenderism as some kind of hetero-reifyer, is crass to me.

and that margaret thatcher is a man, and any woman of power and confidence will be attacked for her physique and femininity, in the class room, is so offensive to me.

i miss my days of short hair and boy clothes.
would teacher say the same thing about me?

mary eng is a man.
what does that mean?
am i. bc i have no fear to call him out for sexism?
that probably makes me a . . .

pam cash said these comments would get you fired at UCSD.

seeking solace from old teachers and fellow students:

Re: the t&a a video response

From:	mary eng  View Contact
To:	"Zeman, Stewart Scott"

---

well thanks.

i was used to such a higher quality before elsewhere (all the schools)

and with my family

so it is such a step backward.

can you imagine hearing slut whore and tits and ass in class.

if i were the profs i'd be ashamed to show face.

similarly all my podcast lectures are epithet-free.

LA is a funny place, a retrogressive misogynnist vibe prevails.  its very republican in a sense . . .

my father was far more eloquent and i never had to be around that kind of talk except maybe in . . .

and a little in bars but i try to avoid them.

thanks for understanding.

none of them really know what its like to be abused on grounds of gender or orientation, i wonder. or violent crime i wonder?

with that convenient white hetero male cloak of authority, it is so odd for them to say, my request for comfort and respect is unimportant.

you would never do this, franke, idit, david wood, sarah beardsworth.  even teloh had more class.  it is a little boo-hoo sad to me, but fighting it is just the least i can do on the way to a better place.  not sticking around hopeless situation too long.

mark holladay said, well you are the one who wanted to go back to school.

i told him it was more like eldercare with all these varying levels of out of touchness.

hope yr doing great and that you can get a good laugh over what clowns these profs are.

i guess its a fun little exercise for my wits bc i dont believe in rights, language, objectivity etc.

so its my cleverness against theirs and finding ways to power 

as verbal abuse is its own big power display

hope yr great thnx for yr thoughts

---

From: "Zeman, Stewart Scott" <scott.zeman@Vanderbilt.Edu>
To: mary eng
Sent: Sun, April 18, 2010 8:43:25 AM
Subject: RE: the t&a video response

Hi Mary,

I don't know what to say exactly, but I do wish you well.  Not having been there or, after reading the blog, having not seen much evidence either way, it would be a mistake for me to judge one way or the other that your profs have or have not spoken or acted disrespectfully (or more or less).  Nor am I an expert in such things.  In any case, their intent, as well as the context within which "crude" language was used, is obviously very important, and that context and intent I have almost no access to.  And when legal accusations turn up, everyone gets understandably defensive and, often, less reasonable and flexible and friendly. But obviously you've been stung by something, and I'm sorry for that.  Being stung by words is no fun whatsoever.  So I am simply sending you my best wishes.   

I hope you can build bridges with your efforts.  And amidst such stresses, I hope you can find time to exercise, eat well, and relax with friends. 

Best,

Scott 

---

From: mary eng [maryeng1@yahoo.com]
Sent: Sunday, April 18, 2010 7:21 AM
To: Zeman, Stewart Scott; igreka@seattleu.edu
Subject: Fw: the t&a video response

can you imagine a grown man-teacher shouting "tits and ass" at the top of his lungs in class at me when i told him he should speak more respectfully?

please if you have a moment could you offer suggestions.

and that he tries to squelch me with "you have no case" etc.

oh and all the other professors have been abysmal too!

switching schools this summer yay!

please support

nobody offers solace

can you imagine he is writing me a letter about the word "tit" isn't that kind of gross/creepy/out-of-touch

hope you guys are awesome, and not shouting such things at your students!

to ACLU LA

what do you want aclu to do? (intake form online)

. . . . sue or help enforce equal atmosphere, stop racism and sexism, harassment and epithets, and protect my right to blog about the abuse. eric kim LACC district counsel has told me to remove my blog.



http://thereallacc.blogspot.com/

please help make it a fair place for women to have an equal learning environment and all minorities to have equality in the classroom free of epithet and racism.

contacting gloria allred!!!!

http://www.gloriaallred.com/

"LACC community college harbors verbal harassment of women.
words such as tits and ass slut and whore are used by professors.  many students will come forward.
i launched a blog http://thereallacc.blogspot.com/
and have pursued
administrative channels which have pushed it under the rug.
please help call 503 901 7798
maryeng1@yahoo.com
i am in paralegal studies multiple professors abusing.
also some anti-mexican, anti-women of color, islamophobic.

teacher sending me creepy email.
they claim they are just trying to be funny.
please help friend referrred me to you.
thank you for your hard work.
i am appalled tax dollars subsidise this level of abuse.
bc i spoke out against the tits and ass professor i expect the abuse to either exacerbate or possible retaliation.   the email explaining the word teat is gross.  i have had anxiety about this.
teacher demands paper on topless dancing.
female higher admin say, it was so much worse in teh sixties.
i want a better world for women and true equality.
also homophobic stuff about gay identity.
talk of hookers and the n-word."

i love indy media!!!
here is my new post:
http://la.indymedia.org/news/2010/04/237266.php

LACC sexism on campus
by mary eng Sunday, Apr. 18, 2010 at 6:41 AM

professors on rampage shirk professionalism in favor of words like "tits and ass," "slut" etc. racism and homophobia and sexism torture

hey! if you want to be ridiculed for being mexican, hear unfair stereotypes about african-americans, hear homophobic rants about whether or not tom cruise is gay, or hear words like slut whore and tits and ass in the classroom, you should totally go to LACC.
Los Angeles Community College on vermont at santa monica blvd.

we even have a teacher who talks about prostitution 80% of the time.

and others obsessed by masturbation.

gym teachers who harass female students.

sexist english teachers.

the administrative oversight likes to push stuff under the carpet.

the professors are hell-bent on being offensive as often as possible.

LACC is getting sued.

they are so confused.

you can get free tuition with a fee waiver.

but be prepared to be abused, on the taxpayer's dime.

LACC district counsel eric kim says i should take down my expose blog.

i think they need to get sued again for protecting abuse.

they act like the internet never happened.

professors who specifically have a weird way about women in the classroom:
lanzer: slut, dumb woman, horrible women
lewis: hooker, topless dancing assignment, homophobia, harasses women of color
bartelt: "tits and ass" shouted at student, jokes about margaret thatcher being a man and "show your tits"
duffy: speaks of women as "cheesecake" and of wives who gain 100 lbs. eating bon-bons while trying to take advantage of men financially
vargas: brings in film with every other word whore or the n-word. not kidding.

if you guys have some more examples please comment or write me.

lots of students are confirming a school-wide quality control problem.
reports of islamophobia too.
please contact
laccequalitycoalition@yahoo.com for stories or assistance.

from wiki:

Common effects on the victims

Common professional, academic, financial, and social effects of sexual harassment:

• Decreased work or school performance; increased absenteeism
• Loss of job or career, loss of income
• Having to drop courses, change academic plans, or leave school (loss of tuition)
• Having one's personal life offered up for public scrutiny—the victim becomes the "accused," and his or her dress, lifestyle, and private life will often come under attack.
• Being objectified and humiliated by scrutiny and gossip
• Becoming publicly sexualized (i.e. groups of people "evaluate" the victim to establish if he or she is "worth" the sexual attention or the risk to the harasser's career)
• Defamation of character and reputation
• Loss of trust in environments similar to where the harassment occurred
• Loss of trust in the types of people that occupy similar positions as the harasser or his or her colleagues
• Extreme stress upon relationships with significant others, sometimes resulting in divorce; extreme stress on peer relationships, or relationships with colleagues
• Weakening of support network, or being ostracized from professional or academic circles (friends, colleagues, or family may distance themselves from the victim, or shun him or her altogether)
• Having to relocate to another city, another job, or another school
• Loss of references/recommendations

Some of the psychological and health effects that can occur in someone who has been sexually harassed: depression, anxiety and/or panic attacks, sleeplessness and/or nightmares, shame and guilt, difficulty concentrating, headaches, fatigue or loss of motivation, stomach problems,eating disorders (weight loss or gain), alcoholism, feeling betrayed and/or violated, feeling angry or violent towards the perpetrator, feeling powerless or out of control, increased blood pressure, loss of confidence and self esteem, withdrawal and isolation, overall loss of trust in people, traumatic stress, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), complex post-traumatic stress disorder, suicidal thoughts or attempts,suicide.